4 Signs They’re Not Your True Valentine (The Cycle of IPV)

1.You just met. He praises you. He makes you feel special and beautiful. He’ll show a jealous side making you think he wants you for himself which will feel really, really good. You’ll feel like his world revolves around you and only you. And you’ll become dependent on him as he becomes dependent on you and you’ll think it’s okay. Welcome to the Honeymoon.

2.He might start blaming you for little things. He’ll criticize you, judge the choices you make, yell at you when you do anything that shows interest in or dependency on anyone other than him. You’ll start to feel the tension building and like you are walking on thin ice and you’ll do everything you can to keep him happy and prevent him from hurting you.

3.You knew it was coming, and it finally did. Here you are in the explosive stage. He snapped. He hit you, he yelled at you, he choked you, pushed you, kicked you, raped you, broke things, and trashed the house. He made you feel like nothing. He left you with bruises, cuts, maybe even broken bones, crying and alone with no one to help because he has forced you to push everyone you love away. You might call for help but you fear he’ll find out and come back even stronger than before.

4.He sees he’s hurt you and he apologizes, trying to reconcile. But only apologizes that it happened and places the blame on you for the abuse that occurred. He tells you how sorry he is and buys you gifts, encourages you to go do things you love, and be with family and friends. He tells you it will never happen again, and you believe it. He might even believe it too. You find yourself back in the honeymoon phase, just waiting for the cycle to begin again.


The use of “he” in this post can be changed to she as domestic violence can occur in any kind of relationship with an abuser or a victim being both male or female.


All information from SW 250 lecture on February 9th, 2016.

Abby Arnold

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